BeAuTiFuL LaNnErS' Journal

My Birthday!
It's now Tuesday, March 23. My birthday. I'm am officially 18 accoring to the United States of America. Yesterday, Monday, Numik hung up signs saying party at my house tonight. I don't know whos coming yet or what it's going to be like. I don't know if I want certain people there anymore. So much has happened since this time last year. I know things change and people do too, but it would be nice if things could stay the same.
I guess I wanted to start this because I'm not very good at telling people when they hurt me or when I'm sad. I don't know why that is. It was only about 6 months ago that I was able to start crying again. No- it's not that something impaired my tear glands from being able to produce tears, it was that no matter what happend, I wasn't able to cry. Was I depressed, yes, but no one really knows this. I wanted to wait for the right time. The right moment to start an online journal. I used to have one, but that didn't work out right. I don't want everyone from school to know I have one. I don't want people reading about how I hate them, or my life. Peopel think I'm happy. I am. I want it to stay that way for now. It's just those times when I'm not, when I've fallen, like last year and the year before, that's when I want to be able to type what I want, what I'm feeling and just keep it here. You can read it. I like sharing.
So yesterday I had to send out another application to UMass because they lost all of my stuff... and Brandies said they don't have everything of mine either. Oh well- I'm going to Israel next year anyways- thats right- I'm a JEW! Don't you just love them?! I need the year off anyways. Just to get away from here. This hell. I've been trapped in it my whole life. Same house, same street, same neighborhood, same people, same everything. It' about time I broke away.
Speaking of breaking.... my phone is messed up. But atleast I have a phone right about now. Emmers doesn't even have one! Her parents took it away. I feel bad for her. She's such a great person (my bestest friend too) and her mother always punishes her for little things. I know my parents would flip out if I dated someone now Jewish, but atleast they wouldn't ground me for a month and take my cell phone away... atleast I don't think they would since I'm graduating in 2 months anyways. I love her and her mom can be really cool at times, but she doesn't understand Emily. Don't worry Emmers- you know I'm here for you <3
So about my birthday... I have 2 birthday letters sitting and waiting for me on the counter downstairs. I NEED MONEY!!!!!! I'm such a greedy bitch, but I don't have a job anymore.... therefore all the money I made over the summer has been almost used up. Lifeguarding really doesn't pay well anyways- if you're thinking about it, don't!
I love it how when you are online at 12 and your birthday is that day- people will IM or call you. Lets look and see:

LiLmZzQtE : HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAYYYY BIATCHHHH
For Judie... shes a cool FOXY girl. I love her. She's the only one that lives in West Hartford that I trust 100% completly. I tell her EVERYTHING. I feel bad for her too- the WH girls have been sooo bitchy lately. She's going to be a junior and she needs to go to Hall. I love her too much to see her hurt next year when all the people she talks to are gone.

NIMBUS102 : HAPPY 18 FOSHEEZIE!!!!
NIMBUS102 : you can buy porn now- as i'm sure everyone has told you.....you should go visit mr. page at borders
Kenny is an interesting one... He has lives accross the street from me since we were in first grade. WE used to play together and always talk and be really close, but this year we haven't really talked at all. I don't know why. We have had a couple of heart to hearts, but thats it. I miss him. He's funny.

Rivkie also called me.... she's so sweet. She's the one WH senior girl I trust the most. She used to be quiet, but she's more outgoing now- it's good for her. She's going to Barnard next year... Kenny's going to NYU... with the Olsen twins! Wow- I'm going to miss everyone like Crazzzzzzzzzy! But for now I'm just turning 18 and I can buy poron- Kenny was right. Sarah was the first one to IM me- I love that girl like crazy- I WISH she lived closer and she came to HHNE (the name of my basement school). She set up my livejournal account for me. She loves me and I promise I love her back 143084086 times more!!!!! SIR is the best EVER!!!!
So now it's 12:53 am (Tuesday morning) and I haven't even done anything for my birthday yet and I'm sooo tired so I'm going to bed now. I will write more later.
~Peace~